Knowing God

Life’s been a mix of craziness and excitement and new things, while at the same time there are just days that I’m struggling to find joy and hope in life. Where I’m struggling to find meaning and satisfaction in life. There are so many choices to make, decisions that will affect my life forever…and I just feel at a loss. I don’t know what to do sometimes. I feel like sometimes I’m just getting nowhere.

Well, maybe it’s because what I need to is not anywhere near what I’m looking at. What I’m looking for, I’m looking for in all of the wrong places. Maybe I need to go back to the start. Maybe I need to go back to the beginning, at the root of it all.

I struggle with my “spiritual journey”. I feel like I’ve gotten nowhere with it. That I’ve been stuck in the same spot for years. That I’m never learning anything about new about God. That I’m not having any new revelations. That I’m not having any of those pivotal moments. That I’m just stuck in the same old, same old.

What one of my friends pointed to me, which I am seeing as more and more true, is that knowing about God is not the same as knowing God. There’s a difference. And I think that is one problem that I’ve had. I’ve confused knowing about God with knowing God. In my mind, I know a lot about God. I can tell you many of the Bible stories. I can tell you all about God’s nature, but can I say that I actually know Him? I think that I can, but I also think that I’m just beginning to see how little I know God.

Knowing about God is good, don’t get me wrong. You have to know about God before you can begin to know God. For how can you have a relationship with God, if you only know about Him? Two of the most obvious ways that we can begin to know Him is by reading His Word, the Bible and talking to Him, praying. Have I been reading His Word? Not really. Have I been really, truly, fully conversing with Him? Not as much as I should.

Knowing God takes effort. If we can’t put forth that effort, then what does that really say about ourselves? That we don’t care? That we can’t give Him our precious time?

Matthew 11:28-30

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

God did not say that we’d have no duties, that we’d be living the dream. But He also didn’t say that the duties we would be given would be impossible. No, with God, it’s possible. If we truly want to, we can put forth that effort to know God. And by knowing Him, we can bring ourselves closer to Him, to where we truly need to be.

-G. Paige

Learning to Be Okay When Life’s Messed Up

What is life? What is living? I mean, what is truly living? 

God is Good Enough

It’s been a long day. Not that I’ve actually done much today. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m almost, almost done with school. And I think it is because of that, that I am so unmotivated to do school. I mean, I could do it probably pretty quickly, since it is like two or three subjects. But because it is so little, I’m barely getting the minimal amount done.

Also, decisions decisions decisions. What kind of career do I want to have? Where do I want to go to college? What do I plan to do with the rest of my life? Questions questions questions all with little to no answers. I wish I could say that I have a plan, that I know what I’m going to do with my life.

But I don’t. I really don’t. I have plenty of ideas, plenty of aspirations, plenty of hobbies. But I haven’t made any decisions. I have one year of high school left. After that, I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what my life will look like next year.

This worries me. I want to know where I’m going. I want to have a set goal so that I know what I’m working towards. I want to be able to see what I’m heading towards, but it feels like I’m driving through a fog.

I find myself trying to reach for something, anything that is better than where I am. I find myself believing that where I am is not good enough. I try for more this more that. I try to make myself better, in my own mind. In the end I give up and I go back to whatever I was doing originally, even if I feel a little guilty about it.

This happens over and over. I go from trying everything, putting on more and more work, to doing nothing and feeling guilty about it.

I find myself wanting more from this life. I either try to find it by doing more and more things. Or I do nothing at all. I give up. What’s the point, anyways? If, in the end, for all the work I’ve done, I’m not going to find it. I might as well do nothing at all. I go in and out of agreeing with this reasoning.

This has brought be closer and closer to the realization that I’ve relying too much on myself. I rely on myself to get more from this life. I try everything and nothing. I try and I don’t try.

This life is never going to be good enough for me. No, it is impossible for it to be good enough for me. It’s a fallen world, a sinful world. We were made for a better world than this. This world isn’t going to satisfy that want.

But God can.

He can fulfill that want inside of us. He can give us that direction that we so desperately need in our lives. He can be everything that we need in our lives. And more. He is so much more than we could ever imagine. He cares about us, more than we’ll ever know.

We can’t rely on ourselves. We’ll fail. But we can rely on God, because He’ll never fail.

-G. Paige

Satisfaction Right Where You Are

I wish that I could say that I was able to find joy in every circumstance. I wish I could say that I knew that it would all turn out well in the end. I wish that I could tell say that I knew how all of this was going to fit into God’s plan for my life.

Do we really need more time?

Wow. It’s been forever since I’ve done a post like this. I have never failing to badly at blogging. I only had one post like month. ONE. That has never happened, not at all. 

You don’t have to know what the future holds

Hey, ya’ll! Sorry for the extremely long absence of late. My friend, Amanda, and her family came to Puerto Rico for a visit. It was ABSOLUTELY amazing. (And an a justifiable reason for taking a break from blogging. Haha…)

What is the basis for your morality?

Ugh. This week has been rough and good all at the same time. In some ways I’ve gotten a lot of stuff done. *cough* Reading. *cough* In other ways, I have done less than I hoped. *cough* Writing. *cough* I haven’t shown my best side for many of these days. I wish I could say that this wasn’t true, but…that would be a lie. At some points, I’ve felt like giving up on the whole life thing. I know that I wouldn’t, but there are times when I just feel it. There are those times when I feel like I don’t care about anything in that moment, though I do.

We are Not Called to be Liked by All

Let’s just say it.

We all want people to be honest to us. We all want people to love us. We all want people to respect us. We all want people to appreciate us. We all want people to care about us.

Finding Worth in God’s Creation

Ah, I literally have no idea what to write. I know that there are so many things that I could write about, but those ideas just haven’t hit me yet. So…I’m just going to rabble on in hopes of finding something meaningful to say, to follow my heart wherever God leads it.

Judging is Not a Bad Thing

People misconstrue things about the Bible a lot. It’s just bound to happen. Someone, somewhere, is going to misconstrue something about the Bible.