Humbleness is not something that comes easily to me. I envy those who can be so humble that it seems like a second nature to them. How can people be like that? It’s a mystery to me. Not that it is impossible to be humble. It isn’t. It’s just…hard for me.Read More »
It’s been a long day. Not that I’ve actually done much today. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m almost, almost done with school. And I think it is because of that, that I am so unmotivated to do school. I mean, I could do it probably pretty quickly, since it is like two or three subjects. But because it is so little, I’m barely getting the minimal amount done.
Also, decisions decisions decisions. What kind of career do I want to have? Where do I want to go to college? What do I plan to do with the rest of my life? Questions questions questions all with little to no answers. I wish I could say that I have a plan, that I know what I’m going to do with my life.
But I don’t. I really don’t. I have plenty of ideas, plenty of aspirations, plenty of hobbies. But I haven’t made any decisions. I have one year of high school left. After that, I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what my life will look like next year.
This worries me. I want to know where I’m going. I want to have a set goal so that I know what I’m working towards. I want to be able to see what I’m heading towards, but it feels like I’m driving through a fog.
I find myself trying to reach for something, anything that is better than where I am. I find myself believing that where I am is not good enough. I try for more this more that. I try to make myself better, in my own mind. In the end I give up and I go back to whatever I was doing originally, even if I feel a little guilty about it.
This happens over and over. I go from trying everything, putting on more and more work, to doing nothing and feeling guilty about it.
I find myself wanting more from this life. I either try to find it by doing more and more things. Or I do nothing at all. I give up. What’s the point, anyways? If, in the end, for all the work I’ve done, I’m not going to find it. I might as well do nothing at all. I go in and out of agreeing with this reasoning.
This has brought be closer and closer to the realization that I’ve relying too much on myself. I rely on myself to get more from this life. I try everything and nothing. I try and I don’t try.
This life is never going to be good enough for me. No, it is impossible for it to be good enough for me. It’s a fallen world, a sinful world. We were made for a better world than this. This world isn’t going to satisfy that want.
But God can.
God is good enough.
He can fulfill that want inside of us. He can give us that direction that we so desperately need in our lives. He can be everything that we need in our lives. And more. He is so much more than we could ever imagine. He cares about us, more than we’ll ever know.
We can’t rely on ourselves. We’ll fail. But we can rely on God, because He’ll never fail.
Once again, it’s time for one of those monthly high points posts. Wow, I can’t believe that it has already been a month. In some ways, I feel like April was SO long ago. It other ways, I can’t believe that tomorrow will be June. Like seriously? I’m still doing school.Read More »
Today, I’m going to do a different kind of post. I wanted to write about something close to my heart: writing. I don’t know if this will become a normal thing, but here it is!
As I’m sure that many of you know, I am a writer. I would’ve never imagined myself saying that a couple of years ago. I absolutely hating writing into my early teenage years.
Wow. That makes me sound old. Early teenage years? I dreaded writing.
Now, it is one of my favorite things to spend time on. Though, to tell the truth, it isn’t that way all the time. Sometimes, honestly, a lot of the time, it feels like work. It feels like something that I literally want to pull my hair out over. But I still do it. I still keep coming back to it. I don’t give up on it. Even if I push it aside for awhile, eventually, it draws me back. It won’t let me go, because, in my heart, I still love it.
But there are those times where you hit a wall with your writing. Where you’ve lost all motivation to write or where you don’t know where to go with your story or any other of that endless list of problems.
At times like that, sometimes you just have to push yourself forward, to keep typing out those words. And hopefully, eventually, you’ll get past that wall. I do that a lot. No matter how bad it is, I push myself forward, one word at a time. I don’t let myself quit. Even if the words are terrible, I kept going. I knew that eventually I’d get past it and it would be fine. Later, I could edit all those terrible words.
Sometimes though, pushing yourself forward is not the best path to take. Sometimes, it’s better to take a step back away from whatever you’re working on and take a break. Yes, I’m saying it is good to take a break. Is that shocking? Coming from me, I have to say that it is. I’m one of those people who feels immensely guilty about taking breaks. I feel like I should always be doing something, even if it is something like reading a book or watching a tv show. To me, at least I’m doing something. So to take a break is a hard thing for me to do.
But here I am to tell you that it is a good thing to take breaks. We need breaks. Our bodies aren’t meant to go on and on and on and to never stop. There’s proof of that in the fact that God, after creating this universe, rested. He’s God. It’s clear that He didn’t need to rest. But He did. And I believe that was for our benefit.
So remember to take breaks. Taking a break could give you a new perspective on your writing, and in the end, help your writing be much better than if you just pushed through with it. Taking a break could also help you get inspired. Lately, I’ve been taking a “bit” of a break from writing. I’ve spent time doing other creative things like sketching and reading and journaling and even starting to write a fan fiction for fun. It has just been just so refreshing and inspiring. I know that once I get back to actually working on my novel it will be a bit easier than before when I was just trying to push myself to make that word count everyday.
If you need a break, take it. You won’t regret it. Trust me.
I wish that I could say that I was able to find joy in every circumstance. I wish I could say that I knew that it would all turn out well in the end. I wish that I could tell say that I knew how all of this was going to fit into God’s plan for my life.Read More »
Wow. It’s been forever since I’ve done a post like this. I have never failing to badly at blogging. I only had one post like month. ONE. That has never happened, not at all. Read More »
Well, as you can see, I failed at blogging this week. I intended to try to write at least a post a week, but I have found that I have great procrastination skills. Hahaha… I didn’t think that I was so good at that.Read More »
AH! I apologize for this post being so late. It has been insanely busy. So when I finally have a little bit of a break, I watch some tv or read a little. And I’ve just had no motivation to write.Read More »