Life’s been a mix of craziness and excitement and new things, while at the same time there are just days that I’m struggling to find joy and hope in life. Where I’m struggling to find meaning and satisfaction in life. There are so many choices to make, decisions that will affect my life forever…and I just feel at a loss. I don’t know what to do sometimes. I feel like sometimes I’m just getting nowhere.Read More »
What is life? What is living? I mean, what is truly living? Read More »
Humbleness is not something that comes easily to me. I envy those who can be so humble that it seems like a second nature to them. How can people be like that? It’s a mystery to me. Not that it is impossible to be humble. It isn’t. It’s just…hard for me.Read More »
It’s been a long day. Not that I’ve actually done much today. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m almost, almost done with school. And I think it is because of that, that I am so unmotivated to do school. I mean, I could do it probably pretty quickly, since it is like two or three subjects. But because it is so little, I’m barely getting the minimal amount done.
Also, decisions decisions decisions. What kind of career do I want to have? Where do I want to go to college? What do I plan to do with the rest of my life? Questions questions questions all with little to no answers. I wish I could say that I have a plan, that I know what I’m going to do with my life.
But I don’t. I really don’t. I have plenty of ideas, plenty of aspirations, plenty of hobbies. But I haven’t made any decisions. I have one year of high school left. After that, I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what my life will look like next year.
This worries me. I want to know where I’m going. I want to have a set goal so that I know what I’m working towards. I want to be able to see what I’m heading towards, but it feels like I’m driving through a fog.
I find myself trying to reach for something, anything that is better than where I am. I find myself believing that where I am is not good enough. I try for more this more that. I try to make myself better, in my own mind. In the end I give up and I go back to whatever I was doing originally, even if I feel a little guilty about it.
This happens over and over. I go from trying everything, putting on more and more work, to doing nothing and feeling guilty about it.
I find myself wanting more from this life. I either try to find it by doing more and more things. Or I do nothing at all. I give up. What’s the point, anyways? If, in the end, for all the work I’ve done, I’m not going to find it. I might as well do nothing at all. I go in and out of agreeing with this reasoning.
This has brought be closer and closer to the realization that I’ve relying too much on myself. I rely on myself to get more from this life. I try everything and nothing. I try and I don’t try.
This life is never going to be good enough for me. No, it is impossible for it to be good enough for me. It’s a fallen world, a sinful world. We were made for a better world than this. This world isn’t going to satisfy that want.
But God can.
God is good enough.
He can fulfill that want inside of us. He can give us that direction that we so desperately need in our lives. He can be everything that we need in our lives. And more. He is so much more than we could ever imagine. He cares about us, more than we’ll ever know.
We can’t rely on ourselves. We’ll fail. But we can rely on God, because He’ll never fail.
I wish that I could say that I was able to find joy in every circumstance. I wish I could say that I knew that it would all turn out well in the end. I wish that I could tell say that I knew how all of this was going to fit into God’s plan for my life.Read More »
Wow. It’s been forever since I’ve done a post like this. I have never failing to badly at blogging. I only had one post like month. ONE. That has never happened, not at all. Read More »
Ugh. This week has been rough and good all at the same time. In some ways I’ve gotten a lot of stuff done. *cough* Reading. *cough* In other ways, I have done less than I hoped. *cough* Writing. *cough* I haven’t shown my best side for many of these days. I wish I could say that this wasn’t true, but…that would be a lie. At some points, I’ve felt like giving up on the whole life thing. I know that I wouldn’t, but there are times when I just feel it. There are those times when I feel like I don’t care about anything in that moment, though I do.Read More »
Let’s just say it.
We all want people to be honest to us. We all want people to love us. We all want people to respect us. We all want people to appreciate us. We all want people to care about us.Read More »
This year has started off pretty well, I must say. I’ve stuck to my goal to write everyday, except for a day or two that I purposely took off to refresh my brain. I’ve been journaling pretty regularly. I’ve been reading my Bible more often, which ends up being every couple of days (I need to do it everyday.). I’ve even found some time to read, though not as much as I would like (But I don’t think any amount of reading would ever satisfy me fully. The books just keep coming. Hahaha…).Read More »